How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
