ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
