She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
