just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
