the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
