im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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