He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
