She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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