My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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