Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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