so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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