Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That was before I lit my hair on fire
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
