never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
