I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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