hotel room ftw
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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