I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize