the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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