A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
