Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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