Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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