I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
