is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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