So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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