How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
