Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
