ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
