how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Vodka?
Forever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
