We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
