I wanna bring you to show and tell
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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