I want to walk on stilts...naked
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
