Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
