does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
