Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
