good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
