Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize