I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
