6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
