she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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