Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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