people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This is the high leading the old right now
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
