I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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