you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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