I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
