she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We need to get me chipped asap
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
