Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
