It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
