I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
