i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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