I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
