Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
