did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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