Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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