Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
