I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Holy shit dude........stairs
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
