I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
