HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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