he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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