He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
