My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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