Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just got carded by a ten year old.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
