smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
